Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Curdled (1996)

I looked briefly online just now & this film received almost ENTIRELY negative, but REALLY negative, reviews from "fans" & "critics" alike. Not sure why, but everybody hates it! As for me, I loved it! Light hearted bloody fun to the very end! Anglena Jones is charming as the doe eyed, sweet natured, Colombian immigrant sociopath who loves loves homicide cleanup just a bit too much. One-of-the-not-Alec Baldwin brothers is surprisingly inoffensive in his almost minor role as the debonaire serial killer. I kind of wasn't paying attention for the beginning of the movie, I just wanted something on in the back ground, but I found myself increasingly drawn in as the film progressed. It felt like a Tarantino picture only less gross & mortifying, which is maybe why everybody else hates it- Tarantino Lite. But, nerdy as it may be, I kind of suspected that was exactly the sort of thing I was looking for. Yay "Curdled"! 5 out of 5 Netflix stars! A rating heretofore reserved only for "A Clockwork Orange" & I forget what else!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

The Experiment (2010)

Some random strangers sign up for "THE EXPERIMENT!" Most are assigned to play the role of prisoners, a few are assigned to be the guards. Based on a real "The Experiment!" from the 70s. I can't believe this movie received halfway decent reviews from critics or the general populace, I can't think of one good thing to say about it. Bad writing, bad acting, totally nonsensical storyline, predictably unpleasant scenes of escalating prisoner abuse, gratuitous use of stock footage displaying genuine acts of human barbarism. I fast forwarded through maybe a third of the movie, might as well have skipped the whole thing, there's not a redeeming moment to be found. Whatever heavy handed moral it's trying to dish out falls completely flat as there's not a believable scene in the whole mess (unless it was hidden in the third I skipped through). There were also loads of continuity problems and the like, but the movie's such a turd it's not worth getting into that stuff. I thought "The Experiment!" would probably be bad but it was so much worse than that. [Note: Seeing a terrifying acquaintance of mine appear as an extra in the film (a "prisoner" who is sometimes there but usually not, one of the many continuity problems we're not exploring in this "review") only made watching this nightmare an extra soul crushing experience for me. This is the 3rd Netflix feature I've come across that involves someone I know, the 1st I've actually watched. Weirdness.] 1 out of 5 Netflix Stars!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Trees Lounge (1996)

I found this written by/directed by/starring Steve Buscemi joint relatively entertaining for a minute until he predictably started hanging out with the cute, flirty 17 year old. Then it was off to the kitchen to cook some food! 2 out of 5 Netflix Stars for Steve & his Buscemi.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Uncertainty (2009)

This movie was so boring I don't even want to talk about it. I like the idea of "parallel realities" and all that jazz in theory, but in practice it never seems to go well on film or television. In this case both of the realities presented were too dull to care anything about. If the movie had a message at all it seemed to be that no matter what path you take, life will still be a drag, but you have to just keep on living it anyway. To be fair, I left the room for awhile during the middle & fast forwarded through an endless "love scene," maybe I missed some pivotal information. Probably I just missed extra boredom. 2 out of 5 Netflix Stars, I'd like to give it less but I save the 1 Star Ratings for movies that deeply offend me & this one only deeply bored me. SOOOO boring & pointless.

The Immaculate Conception of Little Dizzle (2009)

Trippy, absurdist, screwball hipster comedy about genetically engineered cookies that cause men to gestate & poop out little blue fishes. How could this not be a winner? The movie had its funny moments and some visually interesting bits, but it had more annoying moments and repulsively tacky CG effects. I didn't care about any of the cartoonish, forgettable characters or anything that happened within the narrative. Felt like an incredibly long 98 minutes. 2 out of 5 Netflix Stars!

Monday, December 3, 2012

The Hole (2009)

This movie is not good. The kids who play the young brothers with a Scary Hole in their basement do pretty well with the silly script they've been given, but it's not enough to save a silly movie. Like so many ostensibly scary movies, this one starts out fairly OK & plunges into worse & worse hokey nonsense as time wears on, giving the impression that the filmmakers gave up on their lost cause part way through. 2 out of 5 Netflix Stars!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Hugo (2011)

The movie Scorsese made so his daughter could see one of his films. I wanted this movie to be cool looking and it was, though admittedly I did not see it in 3-D (3-D is gross & gives me a headache). It was a tad long, I did wander into the kitchen a few times to make some food, but then I would rush back into the living room because inevitably something cool looking was happening. The automaton was cool, the early silent films were cool, the sets and cinematography were cool. Having it take place in a Parisian train station where everyone speaks English with a British accent was a confusing choice, but whatever- I wanted visually pleasing & that's what the film delivered, without being grotesquely insipid or annoying even! 4 out of 5 Netflix Stars!